Helping Kids Find Direction: Discuss, Discover, Do
by Susan V. Bosak
Helping children become aware of their dreams and teaching them how to reach for goals is a critical skill parents and teachers need to encourage. Our hopes and dreams shape our lives, the choices we make, and the success we achieve. Everyone has different dreams – and a different definition of success. But everyone needs a dream. Dreams and goals give life purpose, direction, and meaning. They help young people build toward the future, and offer a sense of control and hope.
Here is a simple three-step approach to getting young people thinking about their life dreams: 1) discuss; 2) discover; 3) do. The steps aren’t necessarily sequential; you can move back and forth between them.
Discuss
You have to start by opening an ongoing discussion about life, dreams, and goals. That’s a pretty big topic though!
Part of the discussion step includes not only getting young people to think about the hopes and dreams they have for themselves, but also for our world. There’s a “big picture” aspect to dreams that you can explore using news headlines as a starting point. What bothers kids about the “way the world is” and what’s happening in it? How would they like to make the world a better place?
Discover
So, you’ve opened a discussion. The next step is “discover.” The goal is to be able to answer certain questions. Your child may not have all the answers now, and answers may change over time. The important thing is to think about the questions.
What dreams does your child have? What do they want for themselves, their family, and their world? “Little dreams and big dreams” are important. Why are certain dreams and goals important to your child? What values do they represent? How does your child define “success” – money? Friends? Achievements? Ask them to name three people they feel are “successful” and explain why. What career or job are they interested in?
Children should begin becoming aware of their dreams and goals by talking to adults, pursuing hobbies and personal interests, reading books, surfing the Internet, watching documentaries, and doing some writing, perhaps in a daily journal. Older children can look for summer jobs in areas they’re interested in.
The “discover” step includes some reality checks. Discussing can be more free-flowing and unrestrained. Discovery involves realizing that dreams come with responsibilities and challenges, and that certain career paths require a certain kind of education and training. Also, discovery involves being realistic about what’s possible and coming up with a plan that covers all the bases.
Do
The last step is “do.” As a parent or teacher, you want to encourage and help kids take concrete steps to pursue and achieve their goals. Not all dreams may work out and they may change along the way. That’s okay.
It’s better for kids to make mistakes now than face the realization in their twenties or thirties that they’ve spent years on something that they don’t like or want. Here are some ideas to help young people start building goal-setting skills:
- Goal Letter Encourage children and teens to start the school year by writing a Goal Letter. They should identify something they’d like to learn more about or get better at, learn how to do, or a fear they’d like to overcome. The Goal Letter includes what they want to do, why they want to do it, the specific steps to get it (break the goal into small, manageable steps), and a specific date to achieve the goal. After helping a child write the letter, put it in a specially decorated envelope on the child’s bedside table or desk. Children should be encouraged to review the letter every week to stay motivated and focused.
- Education Contract Write an Education Contract together that children then sign. Items in the contract might include listening better in class, asking the teacher questions when they don’t understand material or an assignment, spending extra time on weaker subjects, taking a few extra minutes to double-check homework before handing it in, and starting to study for a test at least three days beforehand.
- a “Better Me” List Help children create a “Better Me” List – a list of things children can do on a regular basis to improve themselves and build character. These might include reading one new book a week, writing in a daily journal or writing to a long-distance grandparent once a month, studying an extra 15 minutes a day, helping a younger brother or sister with homework. Post the list in a prominent location.
- Start a Personal Portfolio Start a Personal Portfolio for children. This special folder contains information about and samples from a child’s classes, experiences, achievements, and interests. Items in the folder might include selected report cards, assignments, letters of praise, etc.
- Personality Profile Work with children to create a Personality Profile. Matching personalities with the right careers can help ensure successful and satisfying work. Once a week, talk about experiences during the week that may point to a child’s personality traits. Is a child shy, outgoing, inquisitive, creative, ambitious? Add personality traits to the Profile over time, and reinforce them with notes about specific examples or actual experiences as a reminder.
- a Goals Group Encourage older children to get together with like-minded friends for a Goals Group. They can share goals they’re reaching for and support each other.
- Bronze, Silver, and Gold Goals Over the long term, encourage children to set Bronze, Silver, and Gold Goals. A Bronze Goal is an easier goal that’s attainable in a shorter period of time. A Gold Goal, on the other hand, is more of a stretch. If goals are too easy, children won’t grow and reach their potential. A Gold Goal is still one that’s achievable and realistic, but it may require more work and a longer period of time to attain. Note that a key to achieving Gold Goals is to break them into smaller, manageable chunks.
- Watch your language! The words we use out loud and in our head can prevent us from achieving goals. Goal Buster Words include no, never, can’t, won’t, if, and maybe. Watch your own language and encourage children to be aware of the words they use when faced with a new challenge, an old fear, or something that seems overwhelming.
Everyone needs a dream. “Look up, up, up into those billion billion sparkling stars. What dreams do you find? Little dreams, big dreams, each a hope looking for a life to make it real – a life like yours.”
Source: https://legacyproject.org/guides/finddirection.html
Editor: Michael R. Clarke
