The kitchen is a mess. Boss keeps calling. The baby needs to be fed. In the history, moms were expected to do so much things with so little help. However, in the late 1930s, most new mothers were depended on their relatives to help them with the household responsibilities. If there weren’t relatives around, there were neighbors who were happy to pitch in. Most cultures around the world, then, recognize that new mothers have to be taken care of just as much as their babies do.
Family therapist and clinical psychologist, Dr. Stephan Poulter, explains there are 5 types of mother and the correlation of each type to the children’s strengths and legacies.
Perfectionist mother: typically, an over-controlling, fearful and anxious woman for whom appearance is everything.
Children’s strengths of the perfectionist mother: have a strong sense of commitment in relationships, responsible and realiable in everything they do, value hard work and persistence as the qualities’ core character.
The emotional legacy of the perfectionist mother: always feel that the other’s opinions are far more important than their own, and usually, they will have a heightened sense that the world is watching and judging them.
Unpredictable mother: usually anxious, angry, excessively emotional and overwhelmed by her feelings so her parenting style is purely based on mood. She creates problems, issues and crises in her mind, through her emotions and relationships, and passes them on to her children.
Children’s strengths of the unpredictable mother: have the skills of excellent people and the ability to be empathic. In the future, usually, they will be great motivators
The emotional legacy of the unpredictablemother: grow up with an ingrained need to take care of people and their emotional issues, can be overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, anxiety and depression; learn early on how to read people and situations in order to manage the strong feelings of others.
Best friend-mother: enjoys treating her children as her friends. This kind of mother believes that her life would be over if she embraced motherhood so she avoids that role. Both child and parent assume the role of emotional confidante and partner.
Children’s strengths of the best friend-mother: understand the importance of boundaries between parents, children, colleagues and families. Because of their sense of motherless, these children have an awareness for taking the lead and the responsibilities as an adult.
The emotional legacy of the best friend-mother: having a fear or being rejected and neglected, being bitter in the relationship easily, having a tendency to feel unloved and not appreciated.
Me-first mother: unable to see her children as individuals and tends to be self-absorbed and insecure.
Children’s strengths of the me-first mother: be intuitive and insightful with people in all types of relationship, loyal and supportive, and able to appreciate the needs of others and solve problems.
The emotional legacy of the me-first mother: usually doubt their own decision-making abilities, difficult to trust their own feelings because they think that their mother’s opinion is more important and powerful rather than their own opinion.
Complete mother: her emotional is usually in the balanced condition; able to see her children as individuals and able to help her children to achieve their own independence. She isn’t perfect, but she is committed to motherhood in every condition – regardless her other roles and responsibilities outside the home.
Children’s strengths of the complete mother: be brave to take a risk, embrace change and initiate relationships without fear of rejection.
The emotional legacy of the complete mother: having an ability and insight to appreciate others who have their own perspective and having an ability to navigate the challenges of becoming independent and won’t feel emotionally enmeshed with their mother. Whether your mother is alive or has passed, or whether you have or had a positive or challenging relationship with her, it’s still important to honor the woman who gave life to you. There are some writing ideas that can be used to express your love to your mother: write about some of the similarities between you and your mother, write a letter expressing how you feel about your mother, or write about a piece of jewelry you identify with your mother. Perhaps you may give your mother a special gift or hold a surprise party for her. Sometimes, people give a day off from domestic chores to their mother.
Sumber: https://issuu.com/chelseamagazines/docs/babylondonsepoct2014; https://issuu.com/chelseamagazines/docs/babylondonsepoct2014;http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-m-raab/mothers-day-month_b_9939146.html; https://www.psychologies.co.uk/five-mother-types https://issuu.com/welcomebooks/docs/momsbooklists_pp.1-160_nov3
