Back To School Cool


It’s school time again! Some children feel nervous or a little scared on the first day of school because of all the new things: new teachers, new friends, and maybe even a new school. Thousands of anxiety ahead. Especially when the children don’t even want to go to school.

School refusal has been found to occur more often after vacations, weekends, or at the beginning and end of the school year. Events that prompt school refusal include the death of a loved one, a prolonged illness, moving or changing schools, entering kindergarten, and the transition from elementary to middle school. The problem is more severe in older children than younger children.

High rates of anxiety disorders are associated with students who refuse to attend school for emotional reasons. Separation anxiety is one of the anxiety disorders that is the most common in younger children. Students who have separation anxiety become preoccupied with thoughts of harm befalling a loved one and are overly dependent on parents and other caregivers.

How to deal with children who have difficulties in becoming an independent child to go to school? As a parent, you should be able to negotiate with the children. Explain to them about why they must go to school. Through this negotiation process, the children will be melted, and then the children want to go to school. Sometimes, parents could give a gift that is not too overwhelming, especially a luxurious thing. Don’t give the gift too often. Don’t forget to encourage and motivate the children that the school will be full of fun stuff for them. Coordinate the children to carry out routine activities, such as waking up in the morning, taking a shower, and getting to school. In that way, the children may learn to be independent.

One of your most important goals as a parent is raising your children to become independent and self-reliant people. Certainly, in early development, your children will count on you. As infants, they rely on you for nourishment, cleaning, and mobility. As your children grow, they become more self-reliant in these basic areas of living, but still depend on you for love, protection, guidance, and support. As your children reach adolescence and move toward adulthood, they become less reliant on you and gain greater independence in all aspects of their lives. This process of separation prepares your children for the demands of adulthood, but this progression toward adulthood is not inevitable and is often stymied by well-intentioned, but misguided, parents.

Independence is not something that your children can gain on their own. They have neither the perspective, experience, nor skills to develop independence separately from you. Rather, it is a gift you give your children that they will cherish and benefit from their entire lives. You can provide your child with several essential ingredients for gaining independence: give your children love and respect; show confidence in your children’s capabilities; teach them about having a control over their lives; and provide guidance and, then, the freedom to make their own decisions.

If your children are independence, you have to provide them with the belief that they are competent and capable enough to take care of themselves. You can offer them the guidance to find activities that are meaningful and satisfying. You can also give your children the freedom to experience their life fully and learn many important lessons. Independent children can be recognized in the following ways: intrinsically motivated because they are allowed to find their own reasons to achieve; are given the opportunity and guidance to explore achievement activities of their own choosing; parents who use extrinsic rewards appropriately and sparingly; collaborative rather than a controlled relationship with their parents in which the children’s ideas and wishes are solicited and considered; and good decision makers because they are allowed to consider various options and, with the support and guidance of their parents, make their own decisions.

 “The greatest gifts that you can give to your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”—Denis Waitley


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